Human wastelands

I am convinced at this point that I’ve got a magnet hidden in my torso that attracts those good for nothing arseholes in public places. If you’ve lived in London for a reasonably long time, you must have bumped into many of them. Those who want some change to top up their train fare (c’ est la vie. Did you not plan your return beforehand?). Those who want a cigarette (go buy your fucking own). And those who are just being noisy.

They will make noise on the bus and on the train. Everytime I come across one of those I can’t help but remind myself that in my country this indecent behaviour is a rare occurrence and we would always make short work of those bastards. Here, I decided that there is certain abuse that I can take without protesting if this means that they won’t slit my throat with the switchblade they possibly pack. However, if anyone attempts to spoil my day while I’m out with a bird, that will be the end of their days. Either I’ll end up in the hospital with knife wounds and a broken jaw or they will.

In the UK people are generally respectful of a stranger’s boundaries except for a loud minority which when on the piss makes up for all the times it minds its own business. I haven’t run the numbers but by the looks of it the minority is more than 30% of the general population. And a 75% of that bumps into me at night.

If I ever reach the point of beating up one of these nobodies and get a sentence for it, I wonder if I will feel a sense of pride. “Jailed for ridding the world of a pushy good-for-nothing yob”, the Daily Star will read in its front page. I’d much rather not find out. In fact it shouldn’t be a punishable crime to use disproportionate force to teach the poor “youth” that he/she must respect a man’s personal space if this is the only way to get the message. You’ve got someone who is 1. drunk and 2. irrespectful towards fellow human beings. Two separate provocations that, when combined, ought in themselves to constitute a defence of justifiable homicide.

In public transport stations and hospitals there are mounted signs that read a variation of “We will always press for the strongest possible penalties against those who attack, threaten or abuse our staff”. Perhaps this will deter many subhumans from assaulting or threatening staff, but quite a few won’t give a toss. I am proposing a new sign that could be mounted on the trains that serve my home-work-home route:

“We will always press for the strongest possible penalties against those who attack, threaten or abuse our staff. Also mind you that the J D Rennison takes this train home in the evenings. Our idea of “the strongest possible penalties” is  the same as his idea of “the most lenient possible penalties”. But fear not; he only takes this route twice a day, so there’s still a good change you won’t come across him.”