Funny how I keep noticing more things that are wrong about air travel every time I visit the airport.
The one good thing about traveling mid-October is that most people don’t take holiday. You can get past the check-in and security quickly and the queues at the duty-free are very small. I still haven’t got my head around the sports cars that dominate the middle of the departure lounge and taunt me. So, that was the timeline up to getting into the aircraft. The real fun begins next.
I’ve said time and again that the whole no electronic devices on the aircraft business has no basis whatsoever. Yes, they do let you use them when the plane has completed the take-off phase but do they ever tell you when that take-off phase is complete? Do they fuck. I normally wait until the plane feels level and maybe a couple of people have got off their seats and opened the overhead compartments. That’s my cue to turn on my netbook, MP3 player and what have you.
Do you remember back in 2004-2005 when mobile phones with a flight safety mode was a new thing? Airlines didn’t mention anything about not using mobile phones “during take-off and landing even if they are set to flight safety mode”. I was wondering how the person sitting across the isle from me would react if he saw me playing with my phone which was one of the few models at the time that had had a flight safety mode at all. Nobody had acted cranky, though. You would think that at least those who take their fucking sprogs with them on the plane would make some noise about me cutting short the life of their little shithead kids.
Before take-off they announce that even if you’re a frequent flyer it’s recommended that you watch the safety demonstration. Like safety standards have changed at all in the past 2 months since I took my last foreign holiday. The security standards, however, have indeed changed in the past 9 years and we’ve yet to watch a security demonstration by the cabin crew. I’m especially interested in knowing the most expedient way of wrestling to the floor someone you hear scream “Allahu Akbar”. If he is far, will someone closer to him tackle him? If not, will I have a chance of diving in his direction before he detonates or is that as aspiring as fulfilling my objective with a fuck-target moments before a crash?
